Songwriting Challenge Weeks 5, 6, 7, 8

Hello, I’ve been gone a little while but it sure is good to see you again.

Where to begin?

Firstly I suppose I should fess up to the reasons for my lack of posting and keeping pace with my self-imposed deadlines for this challenge.

Apart from having various external constraints such as trying to finish my EP which has been filled with various time-consuming tasks and hassles, the details of which I won’t bore you with, I’ve generally just not been feeling it. I’ve been in a weird blue funk for pretty much the whole of last month without knowing why.

Now, the whole point of the challenge and of writing on command and so forth is to be able to avoid being susceptible to such periods, to maintain consistency and movement regardless of internal weather patterns. Insofar as showing up, working on songs, writing, toying with the word/chord/melody is concerned, I have put the time in. I have shown up, written some songs, finished some, failed to finish others.

I’ve been recording, singing, even played an industry showcase that I’m told went down pretty well, but throughout this whole time I’ve been feeling hollowed out, like I’ve been running on empty.

It’s strange – I had a notion before I started blogging, that doing something online/in public should make you more accountable in some way to keeping track of deadlines etc, but really it got to the point where I just don’t care. The work counts and that’s it. I’m sure if I had people banging at my door or ringing me up demanding how many songs I’d written that day/week/month, my reality might be different, but it’s not like that. This is all primarily dictated by me in the cultural and social vacuum of my own imagination.

The general creative pattern for each of the 4 weeks in question was:

–          An attempt to finish an older song that I’d built up in my mind as important than others and thus ground progress to a halt. Chipped away at said song, but did not get to the finishing stretch.

–          Unrelatedly (and unconsciously) wrote an impulsive quick song about something or other that had been on my mind that week. Had a luke-warm feeling of finishing something, but did not feel impressed by it and did not play with it further to refine it or make something better.

–          Generally felt a bit crap and powerless regarding both my failure to come up trumps, and my lack of mojo or clear vision regarding where the writing is going.

Week 5

Attempted an old song,  then realized why I hadn’t finished it back when I started it. I was approaching the song from a One-dimensional perspective and needed to take it somewhere or let it take me. Dylan refers to a lot of songs of his as having been written because of an image in his head. I had the image in my head, and the memory. I’d just been wrongly interpreting what the image meant. Did not finish that song though.

Week 6

Similar story. I attended a Comedy Improv workshop. One of the many valuable creative tools that was brought up was a game I’m now a huge fan of called ‘Yes, and…’. The idea of it as an exercise is that collaboration works by accepting as a gift anything that your collaborators have to offer (and you can expand this to anything that happens in life), this is the ‘yes’ part. You say ‘yes’ to it, then you say ‘and’ by adding something to the picture, and take turns in doing this.

ie

“Let’s go for a walk”

“Yes, and let’s get some ice cream”

“Yes, and lets go to the park and throw things at the ducks”

“Yes and lets scare little children by making bear sounds at them as they run past…” etc etc

I really clicked and had good creative rapport with a girl I met there. We were chatting online a day or so later and she suggested we write a song. I suggested we do so then and there, so we ended up writing a song in the space of around half an hour – two different versions of the same thing. It was insane fun, although really we need to get together and finish it.

Since reading ‘The Craft and Business of Songwriting’ by John Braheny, I have wanted and tried implementing a ‘No-free zone’ in both my own space and in any group or band spaces I’ve been in, with varying degrees of success or acceptance. I keep trying though.

Week 7

At some point I had the notion of trying to rationalize all the various scribbling I had made during the previous few weeks since completing the last song – a list of all the started songs and worked on numbers, and another list of all the various poems I’ve been writing. The list was not insignificant. It seems I have been very good at catching that initial glimpse of an idea but not developing it all the way.

I have a number of songs that could become finished but I have been worn out. Until I wrote the list down it felt like I had not done very much work at all. My muse knows I haven’t been getting down to the heavy lifting yet but frankly I have been burnt out. I’ve been trying to lavish myself with inspiration but I’ve just been tired – mood swings a plenty, really bitter down-ness and general malaise. It’s strange, because I’ve been reading really good books that I’ve enjoyed, and listening to a lot more music.

Recording the EP I’ve felt exhausted during and before it has been finished, which is not good, but although it has been a struggle, it has gone well.

Week 8

I was not even consciously bothering at this point and decided to have as much of a week off as I could. I went out for dinner 3 or 4 nights that week, watched lots of Twin Peaks episodes, listened to lots of different music, did some exercise, and generally tried to do something else, because nothing was working with me at this point. I was a wound up toy-car bumping into the same wall whichever direction I faced. I wasn’t even sure why. I was very frustrated and most likely a pain to be around. Somehow I still wrote things down and toyed with ideas despite myself.

I’ve said it before, but I don’t find myself motivated too much by the idea of songs for the sake of songs. I want my songs to be useful. Art is a means to an end, or should have an element of that just as much as it exists for it’s own sake. I don’t mean I would write a song to try and clear greenhouse gases or something like that, but celebration, dancing, introspection, are all intentions regarding some of the effects of art. It might be that even with that target in mind, the merits of a song or piece of work might just be that it is enjoyable in and of itself, but I need some ‘higher’ goal to motivate me, and recently this has been somewhat missing. Oscar Wilde might disagree strongly on this point, but I can live with that.

However, I knew this was all part of some sort of growing pain and transition and that more fields of glory lay on the other side of this if I could only get to the bottom of what was not working.

“When problems arise in my life, I know I need to work on my art.” –  I think Julia Cameron said that.

“When problems arise in my art, I know I need to work on my life.” – I said that.

And true enough I turned a corner on all this big blue funk in Week 9….

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: