Archive for The Artist’s Way

Film Soundtrack: The Watcher

Posted in Creativity, Film Music with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on December 6, 2015 by Gideon K

The idea for this film was to create a tense, action/thriller vibe. Although most chase scenes in action films are cliched to say the least, I had to find some way to approach the idea of a kinetic nature of an action sequence in a way that would be interesting to me.

Even though at least 80% of the sounds were computer generated, I like to try and add some ‘organic’ elements into the music to give it another dimension, hence the shaker, bongos, vibraphone etc. Plus I like the juxtaposition. You never want a piece of work to be 100% one thing otherwise it can get stale quickly.

I’m quite happy with how the music came out in the end, especially as I was making it all on a 7-year-old laptop with a cheapo 2-input Alesis soundcard. This was the last score I did before I upgraded my gear. In a perverse sort of way I kind of miss the simplicity of that old setup. Less options = more committing to decisions. (Although just this week I had to use the old system to open an old project, and I’m glad I’ve moved on.)

It’s kind of funny to admit this now, but I am willing to do so because I have very much learned my lesson:

The reason I ended up writing a piece of music that lasted the duration of the entire film was that;

a) The copy of the film file I was sent to work on had no foley or audio track, so I simply assumed I was scoring a silent movie and that the music had to do all the work, and

b) because there was no dialogue in the film it never occurred to me at that point that it might be effective to have some parts without music.

I’m laughing as I type this because of how dumb that sounds.

Honestly, I do sort of know what I’m doing.

PS I would have added a video link of the actual film, but it is not online yet/not released to the public.


The Artist’s Way: Week 12

Posted in Creativity, The Artist's Way with tags , , , , , , , , , , on November 7, 2011 by Gideon K

This is my last check-in post on here. The end of week 12 means the end of the course. I may have a post or two in the future to give more perspective on the whole experience, but other than that I’m going to be doing more topical kinds of posts I was doing before, as well as new experiments.

Morning Pages: 6 ½ /7

Friday I only did half the amount, so it really was exactly 6 ½. I had to get up to go to an audition. My mind was already quite focused on that and the pages just didn’t feel necessary or useful that day.

I only did 4 days of song pages this week, which isn’t bad but it’s nothing to write home about. I know what the problems were here. I haven’t gotten back to recording my songs or making demos at home over the last few months particularly. Nowhere near as much as I should or need to. The pages work best when in conjunction with playing and recording songs.

In a way though, it’s better that I’ve not done that until now that I’ve finished the course. Now is my chance to put the teachings, learning and experience to the test and get into work mode, as opposed to the quasi monk-like learning, receptive mode I’ve been cultivating. Now I can get on with bulldozing my way through my backlog of songs etc.

Artist Date: Yes

I took my bass down to the guitar centre and spent an hour or two trying out nearly every bass amp they had that took my fancy. They didn’t have the ones I really wanted to try in stock, but anyway the experience was fun, useful and now I have more direct experience, sonic reference points and knowledge of bass amps in general.

It mostly confirmed my previously held views that a) Modelling amps, Digital amps and the like are completely useless b) I’ll never be the owner of a Marshall amp – they’re just so damn awful mostly. c) Just like with guitars, the majority of gear that can be bought in a guitar shop is shit and of little-to-no use.

I was talking with the guys who worked there and all of them had the same stance I did regarding new guitars – they’d never buy one.

Regarding these artist dates, I need to maintain them on a permanent basis as I now know what their purpose and effect is. They keep me charged and invigorated, force me to confront myself and to have fun.

Also this week I went to an Artist’s Anonymous meeting. A friend of mine has been going to one and finds it useful, and so I went to check it out on her recommendation. I can’t say it was really my thing, structured as it was around the 12-Step recovery program and catered to that way of dealing with things. It made me realise more how I’m something of a solitary worker, and that I tend to do a lot of my more constructive work and thinking when I’m alone. I’ve always liked the idea of group discussion and group work etc but I guess everyone has their own ways. Either that or I haven’t tried it out with the right people.


I put up a bunch of ads online looking for a drummer, a bassist, and a guitarist, or some combination of these with the aim of getting a band together. I’ve been looking in a semi-productive way for the last couple of months, but not in a focused, determined way. I’ve had a lot of stuff on my plate last month to be fair, but now is the time. I had a case of the ‘Fuck it’s and put together some semi-outrageous ads using hyperbolic descriptions and dramatic flair, to make it fun for myself to post them as much as for the potential reader.

The sheer number of responses I’ve had over the past 3-4 days has been pretty cool. I checked my spam filter for the first time in weeks and found a whole lot more had been hidden in there. I didn’t even post musical links on the ad itself so people were responding to the sheer attitude of the text. Which was nice.

I already know that several of them won’t work out and are quite possibly insane people contacting me, but hey – rough with the smooth.

I reached out to the void and it has responded. Now I have to step up and take what has been offered.

Also, the other week I had a group of guys who are already in a band contacting me via youtube after they found my profile on a music forum. They wanted me to be their singer, which is exactly the role I’m looking for, so I went to meet up with them for a jam.

I want to get a band together so badly, but slowly the pieces are starting to move closer. They’re nowhere near in place, but there is definite motion.


I’ve come to the end of this particular journey or quest.

How do I feel about it? I’m not sure. I don’t feel like there is any sense of closure from doing the course.

In a way, I’ll miss having a weekly set of tasks to do. It’s nice to have a set path to follow rather than face it alone out there in the big scary world. Despite my vehement hatred of being in school, it wasn’t the student-teacher relationship, or being a pupil I disliked. They just weren’t teaching me what (I thought) I wanted to know. When it comes to art, creativity, play, music etc – I’m ALWAYS a student, and a good student. I do my homework, put apples on the teacher’s desk, put my hand up in class… hell I’d stay after the lesson for extracurricularactivies with ALL my teachers at that school.

I think that is one of the main things I’ve enjoyed about the course – having someone (or in this case the whole canon of creative minds of history being quoted) to look to, to learn from, to try suggestions from, to learn how to nurture myself and better myself free of any ulterior motives or misguided ideas. Something I could trust myself with.

In the past I’ve lamented not really having any mentors in my life that I knew on a personal basis, not having someone older, smarter, wiser in artistic areas to look up to. I’m over that generally speaking, and now just look to learn from whoever and whatever, whenever I can – including this book.

I’ll be a lot more free time-wise, and also artistically because I feel even stronger, more self-maintaining and self-sufficient as an artist and a person in general. This whole chapter has just been another step forward that I have to continue, as I have always done – in my own way. I’ll find other quests and challenges soon enough.

What I’m getting at is that it doesn’t feel like anything is finished.

I feel a bit like a cannonball. I have been propelled forward for the last 3 months, but I’m only now just clear of the barrel, flying through the air unaided by anything other than my own momentum and the initial decision to light the fuse.

I’m back on my own again and it feels good. Most probably because I’m not really on my own, I have my inner guidance, higher guidance, and my ears pricked for what the universe has to say today. I’m in the thick of it. And I’m smiling.

I know my way to get to the unknown, which is where I want to be.

The Artist’s Way: Week 11

Posted in Creativity, The Artist's Way with tags , , , , , , , , on October 30, 2011 by Gideon K

This was officially supposed to be Monday 17th – Sunday 23rd, but due to the way things have panned out has included several days from the past week and I’m doing the write up now.

Days I did my morning pages: 5/7 then 4/7

Some days I purposefully didn’t do them because I thought they might do more damage than good given my state of mind. Perhaps on these days I would’ve benefited the most from them. Perhaps not.

I did a LOT of song pages the first half of my 2-week-long ‘week 11’. They seem to have covered more ground, but especially towards the end of the week they felt like they were soulless in a way and counter-productive towards the things I think matter in a songs. I haven’t finished any of the songs I’ve been working on which frustrates me.

Artist Date:

I don’t think I’ve done anything that could really count as an artist date over the past two weeks. I’ve played two gigs, put in time doing piano practice, been shopping for clothes and vinyl etc in a few charity shops. That was one of my dates, but to me should be something I do on a weekly/bi-weekly basis anyway.

This brings me on to the crux of the problem and the reason for me running so spectacularly out of steam during the past week. I’ve been working really hard. Long hours, much blood and sweat, determination and grit. The problem is that I’m not rewarding myself for it, and am taking the fun out of it the way I have been going about it.

Several problems preside:

a) Lack of artist dates – my inner child feels neglected and doesn’t want to play. It also illustrates a kind of cowardice and neglect on my part because facing up to the necessity for fun and seemingly unproductive recreation is the only way the creative side can survive and flourish, let alone maintain any degree of output.

b) Having urges to experiment or side track into certain realms of creativity, but my organised mind telling myself; ‘Hold on, wait. We’ll get to that bit later once this other stuff is finished first’. The thing is, it never works like that, and besides the work is never truly finished.

If I’m writing a bunch of songs tied together in a certain way, in a certain style, around certain themes, then it is vitally important that I indulge myself and allow myself to go off and experiment with creating other types of sounds, experimenting with just making musical loops for the hell of it, playing with guitar pedals I know I’m not going to use, trying to create rhythms in strange time signatures because this is the kind of balance I need. I already know this about myself from all this time spent playing, writing, creating, and yet I still try and override it or ignore it – and only to my own detriment I might add. When will I learn?

Hopefully now.

c) It is this same side of my brain and pattern of thought that has let my fun muscle degenerate to a degree. The other issue here is that all the ideas I have had regarding fun things to do initially were all centred around musical tasks and were in essence adjuncts to my main work. As fun as many of these are, I need more things that are purely fun and don’t have to tie in with some sort of function. More activities and pursuits that aren’t required to fit into my musical goals, or my health regimen etc.

I’ve made a long list of future artist dates, fun and nurturing and posted it up on the wall. Some of these things are to be ticked off and some are to be done repeatedly every-so-often.

In order to emphasise the point I opened the dictionary and copied out the full definition of the word ‘fun’ and posted it on the wall in front of my desk where all my other quotes and bits of wisdom go.



1 Light-hearted pleasure or amusement

2 Source of this

3 Playfulness or good humour

Adjective: enjoyable.

From Wiki:

Fun is the enjoyment of pleasure and, according to Johan Huizinga, “an absolutely primary category of life, familiar to everybody at a glance right down to the animal level.” Fun may be encountered in many human activities during work, social functions, recreation and play, and even seemingly mundane activities of daily living. The distinction between enjoyment and fun is difficult to articulate but real,fun being a more spontaneous, playful, or active event. The perception of time is shortened when one is “having fun”.

This isn’t to give the impression that I’m a grouch – I find my art for the most part more enjoyable and enriching than anything else I’ve found otherwise I wouldn’t do it. The problem is when it becomes very hard work and I don’t give myself little rewards just for their own sake. I get burned out, and maintaining my art, nurturing the flame is part of this responsibility I’ve agreed to take on.

The crazy thing is how simple, small and easy it is to do this and yet I’ve neglected it, as I’m sure many others have too.

I never would’ve identified myself as having any even vaguely workaholic traits before, and I suppose constantly worrying if you’re being lazy is itself a workaholic trait, unless you are just being lazy. I have just never found a way of being consistently productive at this level of intensity before, but if I do my duty and guarantee myself enough fun, there’s no reason it can’t last.

I have to cut myself some slack here too. Apart from burning myself out by not doing artist dates, it has been a very busy month with lots of sporadic changes in my job-working hours, a bunch of festivals that have prohibited much or anything in the form of output and work, and some other family stuff like my grandfather passing away. So there has not been as much time to get all the tasks done.

Plus, I’ve been out a fair bit seeing friends, gigs, indulging in this strange thing they call ‘fun’, albeit not by myself as prescribed.

I feel like I might have lost a bit of momentum in giving myself the slack of an extra week to cut back and clean everything up, but I felt that moving onto the next week without doing the dishes from this one would’ve been leading me to a worse calamity.

Week 12 starts tomorrow. I’ll see you at the finish line folks.

The Artist’s Way: Week 10

Posted in Creativity, The Artist's Way with tags , , , , , , , on October 17, 2011 by Gideon K

Days I did my morning pages: 6/7

I’ve been doing what I call my ‘Song pages’ every day too. New ground, new ideas, new levels of involvement. Had an interesting breakthrough on one song the other day by forcing myself to continue and over-ride the (cowardly) urge to stop, to avoid what they call a ‘creative U-turn’. I forced myself to do everything my head was thinking of, however pointless or menial it seemed at first. I’m glad I did, because once a task has been cleared, another idea pops up right behind it. It was useful. I ended up doing 3 pages that day and am nearly finished the song I think.

It’s funny, just when I thought I was being really cool and hardcore with the pages I read in the book that it’s a lot easier to get people to do the pages than it is the artist dates. Gulp. I suppose part of that is that I don’t have to go anywhere to do my pages, but it unavoidably led me to another realisation.

I think I’ve come to the end of another growth or learning curve and need to step up to another. I’m looking forward more. Doing the pages and writing, I’m not rewarding myself enough or giving myself little treats and rewards as much as I should be.

It’s not enough to just be creative and do creative tasks I’m supposed to. I have to play with them and actively engage in making them fun. I know what my work load is going to involve for the next 6 months to a year at least, and simply knowing that can make it somewhat boring or turn it into drudgery, so I have to devise ways to keep myself entertained, keep some free time to include spontaneous acts of freewheeling and fanciful detours, distractions, more fun and more decorations everywhere. I feel as though up to now and until the end of the course I’ve been building a solid frame work and a base for myself to continue being consistently creative without being fragile or subject to any winds of fortune or favour – I’m going to be creating for myself regardless of circumstance. What is next is to keep it up but to keep playing with it all and adding more twists to the everyday to prevent anything from becoming mundane.



Artist Date:

I didn’t do it alone, but I’m going to count it because it recharged me somewhat and was purely for the pleasure and entertainment of my artistic side. I invited a whole bunch of musicians over for a jam. Funnily enough it ended up as just me and a friend of mine playing guitar and some inept drumming on both our parts.

I mentioned the prospect of it and have been sounding people out about it for ages and everyone is always saying ‘Yeah, definitely, call me,’ and then on the day it just didn’t happen that way, but it worked out for the best actually. We had a good talk and good fun playing which is what it’s all about.

It’s been too long since I’d last done that. Too often I’ve only been playing in scenarios where everyone is tied to some sort of (often imaginary) schedule and pressure is on to deliver magic etc at every opportunity and no time is dedicated to just experimenting and trying to find a groove with each other as people, or exploring musical tangents that might not have a ‘use’. Being in bands where this thing happens can be a huge drain on incentive momentum, morale and enthusiasm. I’ve always been of the opinion that bands should have dedicated time at every rehearsal to just make some noise together of any kind and invent weird and wonderful or even dreadful music. Each exploration brings back new experiences even if that is the knowledge that jungle-funk-tango-punk doesn’t quite sound as good as the title suggests.

It has been a very busy week outside of trying to do creative things so not a lot else to report on that front. I think I’ve figured that the trick with me is just to keep doing things differently each time and switch them around to keep me from being to set in a certain way of doing things.

I’ve realized a number of erroneous habits I have that I’ve started to avoid doing simply because the nature of these bad habits irritates the hell out of me and so once I’m aware of it I start to gravitate away from them. I’m not spending as much time wasting my life on the internet anymore, or finding pointless tasks to do in order to avoid doing more serious, pressing or intimidating ones.

One area of progress I’ve made is that I finished sorting out all my songs and song sheets into tidy folders so that they are all easily accessible when I want to look them up or work on something.

Over the years I’ve accumulated sheets upon sheets of paper filled with lyric drafts and song ideas etc and I’ve got them split up now broadly in two giant ringbinders, with alphabetical separators.

The first folder is for all my finished songs and their accompanying sheets, because some of my songs went through about fifty-something different versions and revisions before being finished and I try to keep them all for reference/posterity/proof of authorship etc.

The other one where I keep all the started songs that I haven’t finished, and there are lots of them, some that I got stuck with, some that I needed distance and perspective on, some that I just started but didn’t make time to finish properly. I’ve had this kind of filing system in place for a while, but it just needed refining and tidying. My room and work area no longer has piles of loose papers and stray sheets stacked high.

Also, I thought I’d treat myself to some nice shiny alphabetical dividers, some of those plastic sheet covers to keep all my pages tidy and together and some other new stationary. I hate writing with cheap/found/borrowed pens that don’t write properly and how that frustration can take you out of the flow of writing. So I went and bought a pack of brand new ball point pens. It’s so funny how little things like that can make such a positive difference to your working environment and general well-being. It’s as if we assume that we are above such petty material concerns and think we should always make do with what we have, after all, there are people out there in the world who can’t afford such luxuries and make do with simply memorizing things rather than writing them down… and so on. But it all has a positive effect.

I’m coming to the end of the course and feel like it has allowed me to discover the way I work, what is good for me, and how to maintain and look after myself in the best way possible for the future.

Let’s see what they have in store for the last two weeks.

The Artist’s Way: Week 9

Posted in Creativity, The Artist's Way with tags , , , , , , , , on October 10, 2011 by Gideon K

Days I did my morning pages: 6/7


And on the 7th day he rested….


Actually it was the 6th day I didn’t do them. It was a day of fasting and atonement and contemplation and would not have been in the spirit of the day.


This week I’ve finally hit some serious pay-dirt with the pages. Regarding the size of the pages in my current notebook, I allow myself to do 2 pages of stream of consciousness, which is equivalent to 3 full pages in any other book, and then I use the 3rd page to write a full page-worth of ideas, thoughts, lyrics, re-writes etc of a song I’m working on. Just pick one and go. And the thing is, that I’ve done it each morning? And thus it works.


I’ve tried hard before, really hard, in heartbreaking terms, to find a daily, disciplined songwriting regime that I can stick to and that works for me. I’ve tried setting a timer and writing for an hour each day. I’ve tried chaining myself to the chair until I finish. I’ve tried a whole bunch of different ways. None of them have worked for me, and being cruel to myself, I figured that each time they didn’t work I was being lazy and not working hard enough, not wanting it bad enough etc, when the truth is that I’m not lazy I was trying really fucking hard, it just wasn’t the right method for me.

Now, I know I have a concrete goal which is basically write  and write, whatever I think about it, whatever avenue I want to explore with it and don’t stop until the page is finished. It just works for me and allows me the space to create and explore without having to get it right or wrong that I needed and that has seemingly been missing from all my other methods.


I did this every day that I did my pages, which is the first time I’ve ever said that I would repeatedly work on my songs every day – AND ACTUALLY DONE IT!!


If this had been the only thing I had gotten out of the course, it would be more than worth it and I would still be overjoyed. I’m finally on my own conveyor belt artistically instead of somebody else’s. I’ve made decent headway into several songs in this manner. None are yet completed, but they will be, soon, when the time comes.


Artist Date:


No I didn’t. I had planned to go people watching, to see if I could make up stories about what I thought people’s lives were like and what they were saying and feeling etc just by watching them from a distance. Or going to a crowded bar/café and noting down bits of stray conversation my ears picked up. I was going to do this for a bit on Thursday but failed to reserve enough time for it between what I was doing during the day and what I was doing in the evening. It will have to wait until I make the time for it either this week or next.


Can’t think of any synchronicity exactly. I’ve had a few gig offers and confirmations this week, but I’ve been contacting people about gigs for several weeks now. It seems logical rather than mystical.


They ask me about compassion, I think regarding myself. I’m totally cool with myself regarding my artistic side at the moment. This doesn’t mean I can’t do better, but I’m ok with me. I like me a lot.


I’m also feeling a lot more favorably disposed to people at the moment, more forgiving. I’m trying to clear out any cobwebs or bad feelings in my life towards people.


I finally got round to that exercise from week 6 about postcards. I sent off a bunch of emails to people I wanted to contact and say things to. People I haven’t spoken to, people I wanted to get things off my chest about, people I miss. Better late than never. I feel so much better doing this. I feel full of life, love, I feel clearer. It’s off my chest so to speak.


I also finally bought a keyboard and feel very happy. I can now use it to play midi parts on my demos as well as having easy access to a fully-functioning keyboard to practice and learn on. I’ve been playing it a little when I’ve had or made time. I started working through a book of small pieces to get good at reading music and get my L/R hand coordination back up again. Feels great.


I think once I’ve finished the course I’m going to go back and go through any and all taskt I didn’t get round to doing each week. There haven’t been that many, but one here and one there will add up I suppose. I want to lick the lid of artistic progress, drink every drop.


I’m very happy about finally doing song writing pages each morning. I know it will lead me on to big things.


What blessedly have you allowed yourself to change or accept? The glorious moment. Letting go of past failures. Smiling at the future. Flirting outrageously with what lies ahead. I want to be humbled further.


This great trip keeps getting better.



The Artist’s Way: Week 8

Posted in Creativity, The Artist's Way with tags , , , , , , , on October 2, 2011 by Gideon K

Days I did my morning pages: 5/7


Been a busy week. Some morning I wasn’t able to do the pages for reasons including time and other things.

The book asks if I’ve been tempted to ditch the pages. I haven’t, I’ve just not been as invigorated by writing them, especially at their current length. I worked out the difference between my current pages and the old ones. The old sheets had 32 lines per page, the new ones have 47. Times 3 equals 141 rather than 96 thus 45 extra lines each day. Not a huge amount, but it’s like doing 4 and a half pages instead of 3.


Never one to do things the easy way….


Artist Date:


I played a gig this week. That counts. I thoroughly indulged and challenged my artist self. It counts more because I’ve been finding it a bit of a pain to get any gigs booked at the moment. I’ve been slightly out of touch with the acoustic gig circuit and it’s been slow getting in contact with any promoters and getting sets, finding out which nights are worthwhile nowadays in London, or just not completely booked until February.


I didn’t engage with some of the tasks and exercises this week. I did them, but for some of them I felt like they were unnecessary, which has been a first for me because I’ve gone through them up until now no matter what I thought of them. I made the decision to submit to the course and to put my fate in its’ hands for 12 weeks, but I just didn’t feel the point of some of them.


For example, Task 2 this week required you to dream up a new childhood – to imagine what it would be like if you’d had ‘prefect nurturing’. In the context of how I’ve looked at my childhood and examined all that sort of stuff during this course, that serves no purpose.


I wrote in my journal:

“I don’t feel like doing this because it seems pointless and indulgent and the childhood I had was fucking brilliant. I wouldn’t change things. I am who I am now and I am where I am now because of it, and I am who I am and where I am supposed to be. I hold no kind of resentment against my parents, my childhood or my upbringing. I’ve been privileged.”


I feel this completely.


I got some interesting stuff out of that early patternings exercise, but most of it reinforced how encouraging of self-expression and creativity my parents have been for me and my siblings growing up. I’m very thankful for that.


One of the things I realized last week in looking at themes from the kinds of films I like and this week from patterns of memorable events in my upbringing is that I’ve always had that feeling of us vs them regarding me and my family and the rest of the world. There are a lot of reasons for this, but I just find it interesting. I think it does define my world outlook in many ways.


Here’s an excerpt from that patterning exercise:


18) The thing is, I am suspicious that… no one really gets what I’m actually talking about, nobody really appreciates the things I find most beautiful and most of all, nobody really cares but me.


19) I just can’t believe that… everyone can be so completely unaffected by the music and art that means the most to me, and then really understand where I’m coming from artistically enough to fully appreciate my efforts and what goes into my work.


There’s a whole part of me that feels the way that is expressed in the above two paragraphs, even though I realize somewhat that part of being a good artist is being able to share the things which mean something to you in a manner that communicates and resonates with other people regardless of their taste, background and experience. Still it’s always been a part that has resonated with me.


Oh, I kept my pact about buying clothing each week, and there’s a funny story around this week’s adventure but it’s not for public consumption. If you’re interested you’ll have to ask me in person about the penguins and I’ll explain.


As part of Jewish New year I’ve been reading Psalms and came across these two lines from psalm 47 which I thought I’d share. I liked it so much I’ve written it on my wall above my desk.


Make music for God, make music, make music for our king make music.
For God is the King of all the earth, make music o enlightened one.

Enlightened one is one way of translating the word ‘Maskel’  the root of which is ‘Sechel’. Sechel is to do with one’s intellect. Only the sane and sensible will be the ones who put their efforts into making music to sanctify God’s name and presence in this world.


2/3 of the way through now and feeling pretty good, other than this damn cold I seem to have caught.

The Artist’s Way: Week 7

Posted in Creativity, The Artist's Way with tags , , , , , , , , , , on September 25, 2011 by Gideon K

Days I did my morning pages: 6/7

Today is the only day I didn’t do the pages on time. It was sunday, and sunday comes after saturday night…

I got round to sitting down and doing them around 5 or 6pm, completed them, and got something out of them, but the effect is never really the same as doing them first thing in the morning when you’re fresh.

This week’s check-in asks “Have you allowed yourself to daydream a few creative risks?” The answer is yes, definitely.

As I mentioned last time I’d had the idea of using my morning pages to write songs in. This is a great idea even if I say so myself, and I only received the idea through my aerial, I can’t take credit for it.

I’ll be spending a huge amount of time over the next few weeks, months etc and with any craft the hours you clock up take you to that place where extraordinary things happen – a place of mastery.

The only problem is that I’ve had it the wrong way round. I’ve been doing the pages first and trying to somehow write songs within the context and rules of that, which is wrong and doesn’t do anything good. The real approach is to write songs, and try and fit the goals of my morning pages into that context somehow. The emphasis then is the songs.

It reminds me of a story I read from Osho about two Monks talking about the idea of smoking and meditating at the same time. They both asked the Abbot and only one of them was allowed to smoke. It turned out they’d asked different questions.

Monk 1: Can I smoke while meditating?

Abbot: (Very Angrily) Never!

Monk 2: Can I meditate while smoking?

Abbot: That’s a great idea. Why waste time? While you are smoking, if you can meditate too that’s a great idea. Do it!

It’s been interesting, just brainstorming lyrical themes and ideas and peeling off lines, some good, some god-awful, but I think it’s important to write a lot of crap sometimes and clear your system out so that the good stuff can come out unhindered, and unsoiled.

Artist Date:

This week I had the special priviledge of a bass lesson with a hugely talented and skilled Jazz bassist Mick Coady. I wanted to be shown good technique, posture and such for playing the upright bass so that I didn’t start out with bad habits. It was a brilliant and hugely helpful experience for me. I love swimming in those waters that are unfamiliar enough to let me know I’m learning and seeing something new, but aren’t so deep or turbulent that I’m completely lost in them. Plus, my artist feels fulfilled and rewarded. I’ve now got lots of work to do on this instrument, but I know what I’m doing with it.

Other than that it’s been a relatively slow week artistry-wise. I’ve been more sociable recently though which has been much needed and rewarding.

Earlier in the book they mentioned the idea of luxury and how the feeling of it was quite easily achievable and in no way reliant on money. You just think of things that give you a sense of luxury

I happen to drink a lot of herbal tea. Red bush tea, a fair amount of green tea but only when caffeine is advantageous and not obstructive. I went this week and bought a whole bunch of different teas – Chai, decent Green Tea, Lemon and Ginger. This is part of the idea of spoiling yourself and giving yourself a feeling of luxury, and how inexpensive it is. I mean I bought loads of different teabags for about a fiver altogether. I drink a lot of tea and having lots of choice gives me a feeling of luxury, it’s SO easy to do but we often overlook these things and are needlessly stingy with ourselves. I’m gonna go to china town or to a Japanese place and get some REAL green tea soon.

I decided on something else regarding this way of thinking. I’m always snooping around charity shops for stuff – instruments, vinyl, books, but I’ve hardly bought that much in the way of clothes from them over the years mostly because it’s usually filled with stuff too shit for grandad to wear anymore.

I’ve used being broke over the past year as an excuse to deny myself any sort of luxury in the clothes department. Part of this has been necessary as a means of keeping a fixed parameter whilst trying to monitor other personal changes, but in a lot of ways it does not do one’s sense of well-being much good.

Coupled with the recent clearing out of a lot of stuff I own, getting rid of pretty much any clothing I have that I don’t love to some degree, has left my wardrobe a lot more empty. I’m never going to go through the feeling of wearing something that makes me feel shit in it ever again if I can help it.

Long-story-short: I picked up a jumper/cardigan for a couple of quid the other week, and I love it. I really enjoy wearing it, and so if I can get such a beneficial feeling out of just wearing a simple cardigan, why should I deny myself such a low-cost and easily achievable buzz? I’ve made a kind of pact with myself now, once a week or fortnight, I will buy one piece of clothing, even a belt, or a hat or something, which I REALLY like. Something cool and individualistic and ‘ME’. Or at least I’m going to keep an eye out for that something.

I still haven’t splurged on an electric piano. I don’t know why I haven’t just jumped in and bought one. I know which model I’m going to get and everything, it’s just silly. I can’t go anywhere near one without playing my relatively limited repetoire on it or figuring out new things on it all the time – I’m obsessed. Synchronicity seems to come in here too because I keep finding myself in situations where there is a piano to hand. So that is on the to-do list.

Other than that, everything is going ok. I’ve started making moves towards putting a band together, and to getting a few things moving regarding my future plans but currently they are top secret. You’ll have to stay tuned to find out.

The Artist’s Way: Week 6

Posted in Creativity, The Artist's Way with tags , , , , , , , , on September 21, 2011 by Gideon K

Slightly later than intended, but it’s been a thoroughly heavy weekend.

Days I did my morning pages: 7/7

A few days in I finished the notebook I started when I began the course and had to start writing in a new one. The new notebook is also A4 paper, but the lines are a lot closer together, so there are far more lines, and thus far more writing is required in order to fill 3 pages worth. I’m fine with this – it feels right to be intensifying the process round about now. I was getting too comfortable with the old way.

However, 2 of the days since I started the new size pages, I only got about one and two thirds of a page done. This is roughly equivalent of 2.5 – 3 pages in my old pad. I wasn’t slacking, I just ran out of time. So I’m going to count them as done anyway. I did the work.

The Check-in asked me how I feel about the pages. I love them. They have become my pathway into stillness and release. I engage with them and play with them and confess to them. Now I’ve had an insight and inspiration regarding how to approach using them. We’ll see what happens.

Artist Date:

Yes, but not in the solitary sense. I met up with my friend Isaac and we worked on some Jazz theory and improvisation for guitar, 2-5-1 changes, which chords A Harmonic Minor Scale works best over etc. It was a good start and great fun.

Also, I’ve just spent the past weekend on a meditation retreat on a farm in Shropshire. That was really something. Not what I expected, because I didn’t have any expectations. I realised a lot about creativity, flow, growth…

I’d never really done any meditation in the ‘sitting still on the floor for half an hour’ kind of way, but it really allowed me to get my head around a lot of the changes that have been taking place in me and around me over the past 6 weeks, and further back than that.

I wrote a whole page in my end of week check-in just on issues that have been important to my recovery. I won’t go into them here because to simply list them out would not really explain them and that would not pass on any useful information to anyone. These things may very well come out in later posts I make and articles I write.

The two main things that I took from the weekend that are tangible and for sharing are:

1)      The idea that had not occurred to me until now, of using the morning pages as canvas for writing songs with, and examining the materials I put into songs.

2)      I became aware for the first time, of the destructive potential that comes with all the increased amount of energy you wield when you are going through creative and spiritual growth. Once you are aware of it, there’s really no choice but to just be more conscious and careful about it. It’s easy to destroy things and show the world what a big cheese you are, but that doesn’t bring you any closer to people and doesn’t make responsible, constructive use of the gift.

I had a strange realisation too regarding the ritual of doing a task again and again, be it meditation, morning pages, songwriting, guitar playing, cooking, anything. When you start writing songs, every one of them seems a unique and separate entity. You pay inordinate amounts of attention to every detail and the songs themselves do not always flow out of you because you are still battling with a degree of perfectionism.

When you are engaged in doing something ritualised and possibly repetitive, it’s important to stick with it because your body and mind eventually start changing things and playing with them, because the creative mind does not tolerate boredom. You realise that if one attempt doesn’t turn out the way you want or go as well as you’d like, it doesn’t matter because each new day, each new moment offers a fresh opportunity to try again.

I’ll try and explain this by example.

Morning pages: You do pretty much the same thing everyday – just write, write, write until you have 3 pages. Fine. Once you’ve been doing it for a week, none of them are a big deal or special, they all just flow together and you realise that they’re all just blank and forgiving canvases to play with. None of it lasts and none of it matters, so you just do whatever you feel like writing in that moment. It doesn’t come out good or bad, it’s just you experimenting and indulging any ideas you have. Your responsibility is merely to be true to the moment and get it down.

Songwriting and all creative work should be the same. You keep showing up. You will never run out of ideas as long as you are engaging with some form of action, because the DOING negates any need for THINKING.

It’s hard to explain, but I realised all processes of doing the same thing over and over, like meditation, prayer, guitar practice are all different ways of achieving the same thing – a state of flow, and being ok with whatever point along the river you are because you are simply moving at your own natural speed. You arrive at a place where there is no right or wrong, no good or bad work, only creation and it all comes out however it wants to come out.

Thus there is a specific merit to any work that requires repeated action of a similar kind, because it provides a solid foundation for you to explore and mess with your own parameters, to experiment freely and discover new things.

Side note: I’m so caught up in the process of this thing and flowing with it that I don’t know if I’m completely losing everyone when I try to convey my thoughts about these things.

Apart from that, it was a treat to spend time in the quiet of the country, breathing fresh air and cow shit, and eating nothing all weekend that had not been grown on the farm. I’ve never tasted tomatoes so good in living recollection. A refreshing experience.

The whole weekend felt like a conclusion to one phase of my life, and the pause before the start of another. Nothing to do with meditation or the content of the weekend itself, but the timing was perfect.

The last few months, even the whole of the past year, my only focus has been on getting some work together in a way which I can actually present to people and say ‘This is my work’, and be proud of it, not feeling bad or unworthy because of hang-ups or bad memories to do with how compromised the work has been due to unfavourable circumstances or environments that aren’t conducive to good results. I now have music that I can play to people and feel proud that it met my expectations, and surpassed them, that I’ve done a good job on them.

My whole persona and focus has now shifted. I’m not as inclined to be closed off and outside from society and the world at large, cocooned in a creative cave and waiting to unleash my pretties into the sky. I’m entering a period of engaging and taking on the world. Of reaching out and sticking my flag on top of the mountain that I’m climbing.

It’s a good feeling.

I’ve also had the inner warnings of the fact that I’m coming up to a point where I may be vulnerable and a target for other people. I actually had a really vivid dream the other night where myself and a couple of my friends that I was with became targets of violence simply because we were so open and unassuming in the way we went about our business, and closed off people didn’t take to us very well. It was strange, but I woke up with what I felt was a clear understanding of where this was coming from.

You get to a certain point with growth where your energy becomes palpable to other people. I’ve had this confirmed via discussion with others this week and while it does not make me want to rethink the whole process or journey, I do know I have to take care of how I receive inevitable criticisms from people, and that I must continue to fastidiously do my pages and check-ins in order to consolidate the breakthroughs and realisations I have, or risk losing them to the wind anytime I receive some kind of attack or blow.

I know this may come across as paranoia, but it’s merely a shift in awareness from merely myself, to how I fit in as myself with other people.

The challenge now is to keep going to the end of the course rather than peter out now that I’ve passed the halfway point.

The Artist’s Way: Week 5

Posted in Creativity, The Artist's Way with tags , , , , , , on September 11, 2011 by Gideon K

Days I did my morning pages: 7/7

Some of them I did a little later than first thing in the morning, and some of them in a less than ideal state of coherence, but that was interesting too. More days than not I did the pages in a relentless stream of non-stop writing, not allowing my mind to veer off into predictable and habitual thought patterns, but simply to report what was running through my mind.

In the artist check-in this week it asked whether I’d found the ‘One and a half page truth point’, but I believe I wrote about that within the first 2 weeks of starting this.

Artist Date: No.

Again, I didn’t give myself the time this week because I had too many work or evening commitments and spent several nights this week thoroughly enjoying myself in a social and recreational manner. I think this charged my batteries in a different but equally important way.

It’s becoming an obvious point of self-neglect that I need to address.

HOWEVER, I have made the following two steps to address this:

1) I’ve booked myself in to go on a weekend retreat doing meditation and that kind of thing.

A perfect example of synchronicity actually, but it’s one from last week. I met up with a friend who mentioned a mate of his who has been staying on a farm somewhere, just meditating and farming the land. This guy had been extending invites to my mate to come and visit him. I’ve wanting to get out of London for a few days for ages. I had to cancel my summer trips that I’d planned due to them clashing with my recording schedule and generally having no money. As soon as I got in I messaged the guy to ask about it and he told me they’re having a retreat there this coming weekend. Perfect timing, perfect synchronicity. How could I NOT go?

I’ve never done much in the way of meditation before but I’m always game for something new, especially if I might learn something from it. So off I’m going on Friday to stay up in Cheshire for the weekend and spend it in ‘Noble Silence’. Can’t wait.

2) I’ve been meaning to take some upright bass lessons ever since I bought my Electric Upright back in March this year. I’ve taken a few lessons on Youtube (God bless the internet) but I have really wanted a proper bassist in the room with me to give me pointers, mainly on technique and how to hold it so that I don’t develop bad habits from the start.

Anyway, a few weeks ago I went to an amazing Jazz club in Greenwich and chatted to the bassist during the interval, and asked him if he taught lessons. He said he did, but also it turns out he lives pretty near to me. Only a few stops away whereas previously all the teachers I’d found advertised in London where all living miles out.

This week I got in touch with him and have booked a lesson in 2 weeks time. Can’t wait.

On a related note, one of the developments this week has been that I’ve been much kinder to myself, and much less stingy with myself in allowing my artist to have everything it desires (as much as my quivering bank balance will allow anyway). I’ve also finally gotten enough cash together that I’m allowing myself to breathe a little.

This coming week will be addressing some issues surrounding money which I’m looking forward to and should indeed be interesting.

One of the tasks was to write a list of 19 wishes and the last one was the biggest wish. I’d like to share mine, word for word:

I most especially wish for… the time, health, life and sanity to act out my wishes and take my chance and risk on these dreams of mine. To be one of the few people who actually DOES what they want, and in doing so prove it’s possible, and be an inspiration to others to do likewise. Amen.

The things that really matter are a question of spirit. Everything else is logistics.

I don’t know if this counts as synchronicity, but I’ve had one track up from my recent recordings as a teaser for those who’ve asked and those who are interested, but I’ve not been advertising it because it’s not the final mix. David and I were meant to meet up and remaster the tracks 2 weeks ago but had to postpone to last week, which got postponed til tomorrow because he has had to move house and rebuild his studio.

Exactly… time doesn’t fly, it falls away.

Once the tracks are done I’ll be tearing you all new orifices don’t you worry.

The point of this is that I turned on my computer last night to find someone I’ve never met nor heard of has made that song ‘Track of the day’ on their website, which from what I could tell was small independent label/management company. They had this to say about the track:

It’s really cool though. People seem to be really responding to my songs when I’ve been playing them.

I don’t know if it’s the course that is doing this, or if it is that I was ready at this point and doing the course is just part of me continuing to experiment with myself and what I’m capable of, and the universe rewarding me for my effort. I like it the same either way.

Life is very exciting right now.

The Artist’s Way: Week 4

Posted in Creativity, The Artist's Way with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on September 4, 2011 by Gideon K

Days I did my morning pages: 5/7 or 7/7 depending on viewpoint.

On Tuesday I missed my first morning pages simply because I did not have time for them before work that morning or I would’ve been hideously late. I felt grumpy, shitty and irritable all morning because of this and resorted to doing them in my lunch break, which helped a little, but not a lot.

Then today, I only got round to doing them at about 5 o-clock in the afternoon when I got in. I was out all night, and then on my way back to pick up the car where I left it, I called my friend Isaac who lives near there and met up for a 2.30 breakfast and coffee….


Artist Date: No. I just didn’t give myself the time this week. It was pretty packed. However, I did get paid this week and took myself shopping for some new clothes for the first time this year. In a way I suppose that counts, it’s just not particularly imaginative or generous.


This week on the whole has been very interesting for me. The first day I woke up feeling quite sad and grim, with the horrible thought that my life would just be one long drudging trip, everything staying the same and never changing. Once I’d woken up a bit and started writing my pages, I realised it was just a fear to motivate me to work harder in the other direction – the one I’m already moving in. My morning pages tend to always end on a positive note, and I think I do that on purpose, especially after I use them to purge myself of any doubts or things that are bothering me. It’s an indulgence that suits me and works for me.


I really enjoyed the bit about writing a letter as the 80 year old version of myself to me now aged 25. Here’s part of my description of myself at 80:


“I will be tall, thin, healthy, smiling. I will walk with a stick that I don’t need. I will have a full head of bright white hair and my eyes will be fierce and alive. I will laugh a lot, children will like me. I will smell nice, wear expensive cologne and always wear tailored suits. I will enjoy dancing regularly. I will sing gently, softly, smoothly. I will stand up for pregnant women on public transport. I will make a mean ravioli.”


It went on like that for a while – I was laughing my ass off by the time I finished, but I meant every word of it. If any of you are still around when I’m that old… just you wait and see.


I did the second of those life-circle exercises and found that my life, or at least how I see it, has improved in 4 of the 6 areas, with the ‘work’ and ‘exercise’ ones staying roughly the same. I was glad about that. For the past two weeks I have been applying the ‘Kaizen’ approach which is instead of trying to make drastic changes to areas of my life, to merely change them gradually, making small, incrementally improvements as often as possible.I believe this is meant to eliminate problems, but could also be seen as making improvements, or at least that’s how I’m choosing to interpret it.

This could be as simple as practising some guitar scales for 5 mins every other day, or doing 10 extra press ups in the morning or whatever. This is muche more sustainable than trying to make huge changes in a short space of time, and once you have some small successes, you build a head of steam.


Synchronicity has been carrying on too. Quite a lot actually but here’s two examples:


I was thinking about learning more about jazz theory and technique. When I met up with Isaac, he mentioned something along those very same lines, so we’ve agreed to meet up next week for a brief session fumbling with some standards or some theory. Then maybe meet up again the next week.


I didn’t know what to wear to this fancy dress party. My friend Alice told me she had a great idea for what me and my brother could wear, and then she made them for us. Too cool.


It’s funny, but describing the effects of the course, every insight or discovery – it all comes out sounding like a lot of very clichéd statements, or ‘happy-clappy’ cod-spiritual pseudo-enlightenment, but I’m fine with that. Cynicism is too much of an indulgence for people who prize their fear more highly than anything else and I’m having too much fun using my mind and my life as an experimental playground. Those clichés are all there because they have a good measure of truth to them.


The one I’ve been thinking about themost however, and the one that has been most applicable to my current state is ‘Easy does it’.


Oooh, I almost forgot – I had to endure a reading ban this week. I wasn’t allowed to pick up any books or magazines (other than the Artist’s Way of course hehehe) in order to shake off all kinds of habits and open my eyes as to how much reading books can be a crutch as much as a good thing. I slipped up a few times simply forgetting I wasn’t supposed to read. But I had a number of conversations with people that I wouldn’t have had if I’d been allowed to read.


Til next time folks….